Oh wow...

so I realise I haven't posted a blog in a very very long time...I guess it really just, slipped my mind.

=\ So I suppose updates of my life are in order really?
Well...unfortunately my mummy passed away. She died at about 11.15pm on Sunday 28th June 2009. We got a phone call at 11 o clock from the Hospital saying that we should get to the hospital because my mum is panicing and really not doing good.
So my dad sped down the perimeter road (there was a STUPID driver on the road and if it wasn't for him we may have been there on time Grr) but we got to the hospital 5 minutes too late.
My uncle was there with her, holding her hand. I think that's what she wanted to be honest. Her brother lives in New Zealand and he had come over for a visit with his girlfriend, and was due to leave on July 11th. I think my mum just wanted her brother there, and when he was...she let go. A 7 year fight with a very aggressive form of cancer, I can't blame her.
I miss her so much of course, but in a way i'm glad she died when she did. I don't think I could have dealt with seeing my mum dis-integrate. She still had her dignity pretty much. In a way I wanted to be there when it happened, but i'm not sure how I would have coped. It took me about 5-10 minutes for it to sink in as I just sat and looked at her laying in the bed. My uncle still didn't let go of her hand until my Nan and mum's sister arrived half an hour later. The nurses fucked me off though.
They were complaining about the amount of people that were in my rooms hospital room.

My mother had just died... what did they want from us?
Her husband, her daughter, her mother, her brother and sister, her brother and sisters partners, her cousin (who had been there through a lot of the things that happened, it was only fair she was there), my dads brother.
All close family. Did they want us to stay home? Not come and see her to say goodbye?


It's not a nice thought...but my mum died just after the nurse hung up the phone to my dad. My dad seems to think my mum heard the nurse asking for me and my dad to come, and that's when she gave up the fight. He said he thinks mam didn't want me there went she went. It's...a nice thought in a way but I still would have wanted to say goodbye properly.
I had seen her the day before, when she really wasn't doing too good but I definately did not expect her to go the next day.
I thought she had another month left. I'd planned on visiting her on Monday after school with a friend of mine who'd known my family since we were both 4 years old. She was close to my mum and the local Vicar was giving her updates on my mum in church (the Vicar visited my mum often in hospital. He felt a close bond to her because of how much she had fought. Every single Sunday they prayed for my mum in Church. =]). I told my mum I loved her, which i'm happy is the last thing I said to her. But I still would have liked to hold her hand and say I love you and goodbye to her. Properly. Knowing it would be goodbye, so it would have meant something else to me.
My mind is wandering now, and nothings really coming out properly anymore.
I should wrap this up...I just wanted to write a blog about my mum cause i've barely talked about my mum at all since she died. I guess it's just not something I feel the need to talk about. You can't really bring it up in conversation, can you?

Well. I should go finish doing what i'm supposed to be doing (I started a Photography course, didn't do too good in my AS Levels).

RIP Mummy <3 x

*sigh*

I've not posted for awhile.
Though...I guess I have no reason to as i'm pretty sure nobody reads my blogs haha.

Thinks have been getting shitter lately.
I know I sound like a boring miserable twat, but i'm not like that in person honest. I'm always laughing and smiling but I just FEEL like shit.
I don't see the point in moping about and making everyone else feel down just cause you are. That's just mean and selfish.

Mam has been in hospital since mothers day. She's meant to be renewing her wedding vows to Dad on Saturday... Yeh cause I can see THAT happening!
She's got to stay in because our oxygen machine at home, only ges up to 5litres of oxygen. She needs atleast 10 to even be able to function really.
But shes adamant (i heard a joke about that once. i'll post it in my next blog ;)
that she'll be well enough, so i'm just going along with it and letting her do what she wants. I can't be arsed to argue.
Me and Gemmar have our 'bridesmaid' dresses, and shoes. And tomorrow, we're getting our nails done all nice. :)
So I guess it'll be nice if it does go ahead. Get our hair and makeup done, get photos and stuff. Yeh, should be nice. :)

I'm becoming increasingly more worried about everything though.

My health is starting to be affected, and i'm actually getting worried now. But i'm too scared to do something about it cause i'm a twat. (Y)
I'm hating 6th form more and more. I got into a photography course at Nuneaton College, but the parents 'know best' and so i'm not allowed to go do it.

Even though...Photography is all i'm good at. And all I want to do.
"You'll fuck your life up if you quit 6th form". Or not?
Whatever. I've given up caring now. I'm just gonna let everyone rule my life. Everytime I think for myself, and have a dream or a goal, it's shot down. By parents, friends, teachers, peers, government. Everyone pretty much. So I can't be arsed anymore.

This world is fucked.

2008.

Mmh.

Most definately the worst year of my life so far.
I really wanted to end a shit year with a good night.
But nope.
I'm at home being yelled at.


*sigh*

Misteltoe and Wine.

Today is Boxing Day here in Sunny England. If you are in New Zealand or Australia or anywhere in the Austral-Asia area, it's the 27th December.
So anyway.
Christmas. *Le sigh*

Mother was in hospital yesterday. I've never felt so dull when waking up.
Usually on Christmas morning it takes me awhile to get out of bed. Christmas isn't my thing anymore. My family has never been big on tradition. Most people demand their family is together at christmas. I usually stay upstairs and Mum watches soap operas. But this year, dad had to force me to get up at about 9 oclock (bear in mind half of Britain's children had been up for atleast 2 hours by this point) and I just got dressed and went out of the house basically straight away. We took Mum a couple of her presents over and we sat not really doing or saying that much. Then she had her christmas dinner (which suprisingly looked, smelt and apparently tasted wonderful compared to normal hospital food) and so we went home. Me and Dad then decided we were hungry as we hadn't actually eaten anything all day, so in our infinate wisdom, we braced the cold (me in my flourescent pink hat and dad in a puffa jacket lol) and walked all the way into town and back just to see if any Indian or Chinese's were open. The lazy bastards don't celebrate christmas and they still closed!! =o

Joke! lol



So yes. In the end we raided the freezer and I had a Chicken Kiev and Chips. How festive?

I'm VERY Confused.

VERY.VERY.CONFUSED!

0_0

Puke.

Ok so i'm not pukey ill. But I still feel like shit.
I have been to 6th form once this week. Monday. And its Thursday.

Bleghhh.


I've been trying to find out what that song is called from the Dell advert. Yknow the one thats like 'i am greeeeeen, todaaaay' iunno. lol

And i've been TRYING to catch up with Shameless. They only have up to series 4 on virgin on demand *cries*

don't really know what to talk about to be honest. llalala.


been playing the sims 2 way too much. one family, has 8 children atm!! they wanna make it to the 10 mark. So ima have 2 more before the mum is too old. Yaaay.


Ohh. I had a 'parents evening'.
It went good =/

Supriseeee! =o



THE BLACKOUT ON DECEMBER 29TH BOI! Woo!

So i'm in Media Studies.

Fun times.

I have a double period, first period was taken by some new guy.
He let us watch videos, so the entire class had a sing along to Queen - Don't stop me now.

Good times. CRAZY times.


I have lunch next, then the joys of Psychology. I'm gonna play scrabble at lunch.

I played it Thursday, and got completely pwned by Tom Hammond. He had Pip helping him. Daryl had Jenni helping.

Me and Ben were left with 90 points while the boffs had 200.
BAD TIMES!

I WILL WIN this time. Promises. <3

Like...

Arron the big gay... literally... hes gay.
Was meant to ring me yesterday so we could meet in town. Did he? Did he fuck!

God. Men! Gay or not. They're unorganised ¬_¬

I have a really strange tutor group yknow. We were trying to figure out how to keep your mind calm and manage stress.
And we had a spider diagram. And my table just wrote sex on every sheet. Bear in mind I have Grace, Harriet, Jess, the Sophies and Me on my table man.

Then loads of people joined our table and we were talking about gay guys. And all the girls got in an argument with the guys about how gay is the right way. lol

We love gay guys. Straight guys suck. Why are all the hot guys gay? ¬_¬


Then we were talking about lesbians.
Out of all my friends... I think im the only completely straight person! lol
Everyone else has atleast kissed a girl.
They all reckon i'm in the closet. Nah.
It's possible for SOMEONE to be straight ¬_¬


So anyway, been reading through Sean Smith's [Da Blackout. Put a donk on it...as he says ¬_¬) old blog posts. What a strange boy :)


Not got dressed all day. Been chatting to Aimee, playing the Sims 2. Got alien babys. Killed my vampire by accident. He wouldnt get in the coffin! Silly bugger.


Out. x

Boosh innit.

The Mighty Boosh last night! =D
Yay!

It was pretty wicked. They did the Bouncey Bouncey song! And Nanageddon! They did like, a little gig thing, with the 'I did a shit' song aswell!

NABOO IS A GANGSTA RAPPER! =D=D=D=D
He's so cute!


Noel went into the crowd as The Hitcher, and walked right past me cause I was on the end of the aisle. Philippa nearly died. I wanted Julian! lol

We hung around in the pouring rain after, freeeezing and my umbrella went inside out so many times. We found the tour buses, and saw Julian get in a car. Then we had to leave before Noel came out. Dayum.
Next time =]

Knackered

is what I am. x

Joy.

Life gets better...


My mum is now dieing.
There's nothing more they can do for her.
My dad is being a selfish dick.

My mum said shes worried about me being stressed out cause apparently i'm being snappy. She said to him that maybe i'm worried about her. He goes 'Oh no shes not shown ANY signs of being worried about you at all'

Who the fuck does he think he is?
MAYBE I just don't like fucking showing that i'm scared or worried because MAYBE i'm trying to stay positive and have some fucking backbone and strength unlike HIM who just moans and complains about EVERYTHING ALL the time to me.

And then he had the cheek to go 'fuck off cherilyn you dont know what its like having to work and be stressed about bills and losing the house and your wife blahblah'

UHM HELLO? SHE'S MY MOTHER. IT'S MY HOUSE TOO. I'M ALSO GOING TO BE THE ONE LIVING ON THE STREETS. And with work? No, but I do have the worry of failing sixth form, which means i'll get a shit job, and won't be able to afford a house or food when i'm older.


Fuck you.

I had a plan

to write a mega long blog.
But i cba

Mum's in hospital again, won't let me go over, crying on phone to dad.

= bad news.

My Best Friends Wedding

How depressing is that film!

Jesus Christ!

Waheyyy

Lydia and Laura didn't see Rhys again. So I didn't get my video. No probs dudesss.

Not a whole lot going on today. Mama is ill again, refusing to go to hospital. We're not letting her go to work tomorrow. She can't even walk so how she expect to work? ¬_¬


I really have no life. I actually managed to see Gemmar for like a couple of hours after work. She found a fit guy to pursue, so that'll be me outta the window for awhile. We did lunch, decided to do it every saturday in this cute little cafe in town. Dunno how long that'll last though.

Waiting for Aim's to finish her dinner so she can talk to me. Yah I gots no other mates. Billy no mates. Innit ¬_¬


Supposed to have my media draft done but cba atm. I'll do it later it'll take 5 minutes. It's only a magazine cover.
Done my psychology tests. Probably failed.

That's Life!

Mmkay?

So the Reading Mentor and Listening Mentor are down the drain because they didn't tell me when the training was.
Ta!

Went to see The Blackout on Friday. Got there and we were first in the queue again ^_^

Pippa, Jodie and Nikki there again. xD




Fun times. Didn't meet the guys cause Aimee had to go. BUT my amazing friends Lydia and Laura got Rhys to record a video saying hey to me. But they lost it so they're getting another on Saturday =]


Back to reality now. Schooool and gotta tidy the house now :(

So I hate 6th Form.

It sucks.

I'm already failing Graphics. I went to the learning advisor and she wants me to swap to Human Biology. I don't want to! I just want to drop Graphics. Loads of people have dropped subjects and got free periods instead. Why can't I?
I need the time to work on my Media Coursework. I'm making a horror movie. (No I didn't choose Horror as my genre. I was given it)

Also, I have volunteered to be a Science Ambassador, a Reading Mentor for Infants and a Councillor. Well. Not a Councillor as such, but someone who the main schoolers can come talk to about anything. I don't trust the teachers in this school to be understanding, and I know a lot of kids in our school have problems they need to talk about. So i'm there. :)


But yeh. 6th Form sucks. No friends. Can't afford my books. Failing.

Fuck!

We can see through you.

But we don't have X-Ray Eyes!

My bad.

I'm home sick.

I've been at 6th Form for three weeks and already had 4 days off 0_0

I'm skipping for TBO on Friday 3rd October too.

I currently have a kitty cat sat with me! Theres another snooping around somewhere, but Shadow's scenting my room my rubbing his face against everything ¬_¬
Pepper is probably eating. Like a fattie mcfattie. Wanna see them?









Top pic is me and Shadow. It's kinda old though.

Then we've got Pep as a cute lil kitten, then the transformaton into a fattie (the last pic).

Then Cleo, who is outside probably killing some poor innocent creature right now.
We have two other but I have no pics of them on here. Fez and Nefi. They're twins, innit.

My Mama has been home for a day and a bit. And already shes told me to "shut the fuck up or i'll smack your face in" just for asking her to not frighten my cat.
Thanks mother!

Aimee's finally come online, so i'm off to chat to her. Bye.x

Why am I up at 5am?

CAUSE I'M A FUCKING TWAT.

Nuff said.

I did something stupid, and therefore couldn't sleep. I made Aimee stay up texting me so I could have something to concentrate on cause I was freaking the fuck out. But shes a lightweight and was tired at like, 1am (ta aimee ¬_¬ lol)


So yeh. I'm kinda tireeed.
I am now watching Room Raiders on MTV+1
Because I am very awesome.
Obvz.




Have a good day, thought i'd update ya'll haha

xxxx

6th Form

I loved it. Now I hate it.

It's finally sunk in that i'm growing up. The years are flying by, and I don't want them to.
I'm alone.

English Literature, I thought i'd have Gemmar with me. Nope.

Graphics, my only class with Aimee. Shes gone now, and it feels horrible. I'm in a class full of chavs. They're all best friends with each other, and i'm the kid with the bad hair at the front.

Psychology. Full of a bunch of popular kids who know each other. I'm the one who has the weird views and gets shunned.

Media. I have Asra, but she did GCSE Media. She knows what shes doing. I don't. I got in trouble today cause the teacher didn't tell me what I had to do. I didn't understand and he ignored it. So I didn't write anything other than 'Kerrang! Magazine'.
¬_¬'

Oh, and at lunch. They've changed the schedule. So the people I have left, have lunch at a different time.

This is going to be...shit. :)


Aimee doesn't even get signal at college, so I can't even talk to the one person who keeps me sane.
Ffs.

A good cry...

never hurt anyone! =]

I don't know why I just cryed. But I feel better now. :)
I've had a pretty stressful week so I guess it's just built up and flowed out.

I hate how people bitch about people crying. It's a natural thing. It's ok to cry. Crying is good. :)

Ohwell. Just thought i'd update. I start 6th form in 2 days. Did ok in GCSE's.
Yeh.

Seeya.x