Lonely

I don't know whether thats the problem or whether i'm just sad.
But whatever it is, I don't feel too good right now. =[

I'm not entirely sure whats the matter, but I feel absolutely useless.
I felt good earlier. I was talking to Lydia and we were just being geeks, talking about random things and laughing and joking. Then my mama gets home and I feel like crap.
I don't know whether I should be saying that or not. She is very very ill after all.
I don't know whether its her illness making her act the way she does, or whether its just her.
I can't remember back to when she wasn't ill. I was too young and i'm so used to her as she is now, I just can't remember what she was like before she got sick. I can't remember my real mother, and I will never know her. I only know the frail 40 year old lady who should be out enjoying herself with her friends, but can't because of a silly disease that is eating away at her.

I'm a very selfish person. I'm not going to sit here and explain why.
I'll probably end up doing it in my next post anyway. But for now, before I start crying, I'll shut up.