Mmh.
Most definately the worst year of my life so far.
I really wanted to end a shit year with a good night.
But nope.
I'm at home being yelled at.
*sigh*
Wednesday 31 December 2008
Friday 26 December 2008
Misteltoe and Wine.
Today is Boxing Day here in Sunny England. If you are in New Zealand or Australia or anywhere in the Austral-Asia area, it's the 27th December.
So anyway.
Christmas. *Le sigh*
Mother was in hospital yesterday. I've never felt so dull when waking up.
Usually on Christmas morning it takes me awhile to get out of bed. Christmas isn't my thing anymore. My family has never been big on tradition. Most people demand their family is together at christmas. I usually stay upstairs and Mum watches soap operas. But this year, dad had to force me to get up at about 9 oclock (bear in mind half of Britain's children had been up for atleast 2 hours by this point) and I just got dressed and went out of the house basically straight away. We took Mum a couple of her presents over and we sat not really doing or saying that much. Then she had her christmas dinner (which suprisingly looked, smelt and apparently tasted wonderful compared to normal hospital food) and so we went home. Me and Dad then decided we were hungry as we hadn't actually eaten anything all day, so in our infinate wisdom, we braced the cold (me in my flourescent pink hat and dad in a puffa jacket lol) and walked all the way into town and back just to see if any Indian or Chinese's were open. The lazy bastards don't celebrate christmas and they still closed!! =o
Joke! lol
So yes. In the end we raided the freezer and I had a Chicken Kiev and Chips. How festive?
So anyway.
Christmas. *Le sigh*
Mother was in hospital yesterday. I've never felt so dull when waking up.
Usually on Christmas morning it takes me awhile to get out of bed. Christmas isn't my thing anymore. My family has never been big on tradition. Most people demand their family is together at christmas. I usually stay upstairs and Mum watches soap operas. But this year, dad had to force me to get up at about 9 oclock (bear in mind half of Britain's children had been up for atleast 2 hours by this point) and I just got dressed and went out of the house basically straight away. We took Mum a couple of her presents over and we sat not really doing or saying that much. Then she had her christmas dinner (which suprisingly looked, smelt and apparently tasted wonderful compared to normal hospital food) and so we went home. Me and Dad then decided we were hungry as we hadn't actually eaten anything all day, so in our infinate wisdom, we braced the cold (me in my flourescent pink hat and dad in a puffa jacket lol) and walked all the way into town and back just to see if any Indian or Chinese's were open. The lazy bastards don't celebrate christmas and they still closed!! =o
Joke! lol
So yes. In the end we raided the freezer and I had a Chicken Kiev and Chips. How festive?
Thursday 18 December 2008
Thursday 20 November 2008
Puke.
Ok so i'm not pukey ill. But I still feel like shit.
I have been to 6th form once this week. Monday. And its Thursday.
Bleghhh.
I've been trying to find out what that song is called from the Dell advert. Yknow the one thats like 'i am greeeeeen, todaaaay' iunno. lol
And i've been TRYING to catch up with Shameless. They only have up to series 4 on virgin on demand *cries*
don't really know what to talk about to be honest. llalala.
been playing the sims 2 way too much. one family, has 8 children atm!! they wanna make it to the 10 mark. So ima have 2 more before the mum is too old. Yaaay.
Ohh. I had a 'parents evening'.
It went good =/
Supriseeee! =o
THE BLACKOUT ON DECEMBER 29TH BOI! Woo!
I have been to 6th form once this week. Monday. And its Thursday.
Bleghhh.
I've been trying to find out what that song is called from the Dell advert. Yknow the one thats like 'i am greeeeeen, todaaaay' iunno. lol
And i've been TRYING to catch up with Shameless. They only have up to series 4 on virgin on demand *cries*
don't really know what to talk about to be honest. llalala.
been playing the sims 2 way too much. one family, has 8 children atm!! they wanna make it to the 10 mark. So ima have 2 more before the mum is too old. Yaaay.
Ohh. I had a 'parents evening'.
It went good =/
Supriseeee! =o
THE BLACKOUT ON DECEMBER 29TH BOI! Woo!
Monday 10 November 2008
So i'm in Media Studies.
Fun times.
I have a double period, first period was taken by some new guy.
He let us watch videos, so the entire class had a sing along to Queen - Don't stop me now.
Good times. CRAZY times.
I have lunch next, then the joys of Psychology. I'm gonna play scrabble at lunch.
I played it Thursday, and got completely pwned by Tom Hammond. He had Pip helping him. Daryl had Jenni helping.
Me and Ben were left with 90 points while the boffs had 200.
BAD TIMES!
I WILL WIN this time. Promises. <3
I have a double period, first period was taken by some new guy.
He let us watch videos, so the entire class had a sing along to Queen - Don't stop me now.
Good times. CRAZY times.
I have lunch next, then the joys of Psychology. I'm gonna play scrabble at lunch.
I played it Thursday, and got completely pwned by Tom Hammond. He had Pip helping him. Daryl had Jenni helping.
Me and Ben were left with 90 points while the boffs had 200.
BAD TIMES!
I WILL WIN this time. Promises. <3
Sunday 9 November 2008
Like...
Arron the big gay... literally... hes gay.
Was meant to ring me yesterday so we could meet in town. Did he? Did he fuck!
God. Men! Gay or not. They're unorganised ¬_¬
I have a really strange tutor group yknow. We were trying to figure out how to keep your mind calm and manage stress.
And we had a spider diagram. And my table just wrote sex on every sheet. Bear in mind I have Grace, Harriet, Jess, the Sophies and Me on my table man.
Then loads of people joined our table and we were talking about gay guys. And all the girls got in an argument with the guys about how gay is the right way. lol
We love gay guys. Straight guys suck. Why are all the hot guys gay? ¬_¬
Then we were talking about lesbians.
Out of all my friends... I think im the only completely straight person! lol
Everyone else has atleast kissed a girl.
They all reckon i'm in the closet. Nah.
It's possible for SOMEONE to be straight ¬_¬
So anyway, been reading through Sean Smith's [Da Blackout. Put a donk on it...as he says ¬_¬) old blog posts. What a strange boy :)
Not got dressed all day. Been chatting to Aimee, playing the Sims 2. Got alien babys. Killed my vampire by accident. He wouldnt get in the coffin! Silly bugger.
Out. x
Was meant to ring me yesterday so we could meet in town. Did he? Did he fuck!
God. Men! Gay or not. They're unorganised ¬_¬
I have a really strange tutor group yknow. We were trying to figure out how to keep your mind calm and manage stress.
And we had a spider diagram. And my table just wrote sex on every sheet. Bear in mind I have Grace, Harriet, Jess, the Sophies and Me on my table man.
Then loads of people joined our table and we were talking about gay guys. And all the girls got in an argument with the guys about how gay is the right way. lol
We love gay guys. Straight guys suck. Why are all the hot guys gay? ¬_¬
Then we were talking about lesbians.
Out of all my friends... I think im the only completely straight person! lol
Everyone else has atleast kissed a girl.
They all reckon i'm in the closet. Nah.
It's possible for SOMEONE to be straight ¬_¬
So anyway, been reading through Sean Smith's [Da Blackout. Put a donk on it...as he says ¬_¬) old blog posts. What a strange boy :)
Not got dressed all day. Been chatting to Aimee, playing the Sims 2. Got alien babys. Killed my vampire by accident. He wouldnt get in the coffin! Silly bugger.
Out. x
Sunday 2 November 2008
Boosh innit.
The Mighty Boosh last night! =D
Yay!
It was pretty wicked. They did the Bouncey Bouncey song! And Nanageddon! They did like, a little gig thing, with the 'I did a shit' song aswell!
NABOO IS A GANGSTA RAPPER! =D=D=D=D
He's so cute!
Noel went into the crowd as The Hitcher, and walked right past me cause I was on the end of the aisle. Philippa nearly died. I wanted Julian! lol
We hung around in the pouring rain after, freeeezing and my umbrella went inside out so many times. We found the tour buses, and saw Julian get in a car. Then we had to leave before Noel came out. Dayum.
Next time =]
Yay!
It was pretty wicked. They did the Bouncey Bouncey song! And Nanageddon! They did like, a little gig thing, with the 'I did a shit' song aswell!
NABOO IS A GANGSTA RAPPER! =D=D=D=D
He's so cute!
Noel went into the crowd as The Hitcher, and walked right past me cause I was on the end of the aisle. Philippa nearly died. I wanted Julian! lol
We hung around in the pouring rain after, freeeezing and my umbrella went inside out so many times. We found the tour buses, and saw Julian get in a car. Then we had to leave before Noel came out. Dayum.
Next time =]
Tuesday 21 October 2008
Sunday 19 October 2008
Joy.
Life gets better...
My mum is now dieing.
There's nothing more they can do for her.
My dad is being a selfish dick.
My mum said shes worried about me being stressed out cause apparently i'm being snappy. She said to him that maybe i'm worried about her. He goes 'Oh no shes not shown ANY signs of being worried about you at all'
Who the fuck does he think he is?
MAYBE I just don't like fucking showing that i'm scared or worried because MAYBE i'm trying to stay positive and have some fucking backbone and strength unlike HIM who just moans and complains about EVERYTHING ALL the time to me.
And then he had the cheek to go 'fuck off cherilyn you dont know what its like having to work and be stressed about bills and losing the house and your wife blahblah'
UHM HELLO? SHE'S MY MOTHER. IT'S MY HOUSE TOO. I'M ALSO GOING TO BE THE ONE LIVING ON THE STREETS. And with work? No, but I do have the worry of failing sixth form, which means i'll get a shit job, and won't be able to afford a house or food when i'm older.
Fuck you.
My mum is now dieing.
There's nothing more they can do for her.
My dad is being a selfish dick.
My mum said shes worried about me being stressed out cause apparently i'm being snappy. She said to him that maybe i'm worried about her. He goes 'Oh no shes not shown ANY signs of being worried about you at all'
Who the fuck does he think he is?
MAYBE I just don't like fucking showing that i'm scared or worried because MAYBE i'm trying to stay positive and have some fucking backbone and strength unlike HIM who just moans and complains about EVERYTHING ALL the time to me.
And then he had the cheek to go 'fuck off cherilyn you dont know what its like having to work and be stressed about bills and losing the house and your wife blahblah'
UHM HELLO? SHE'S MY MOTHER. IT'S MY HOUSE TOO. I'M ALSO GOING TO BE THE ONE LIVING ON THE STREETS. And with work? No, but I do have the worry of failing sixth form, which means i'll get a shit job, and won't be able to afford a house or food when i'm older.
Fuck you.
Friday 17 October 2008
I had a plan
to write a mega long blog.
But i cba
Mum's in hospital again, won't let me go over, crying on phone to dad.
= bad news.
But i cba
Mum's in hospital again, won't let me go over, crying on phone to dad.
= bad news.
Wednesday 15 October 2008
Sunday 12 October 2008
Waheyyy
Lydia and Laura didn't see Rhys again. So I didn't get my video. No probs dudesss.
Not a whole lot going on today. Mama is ill again, refusing to go to hospital. We're not letting her go to work tomorrow. She can't even walk so how she expect to work? ¬_¬
I really have no life. I actually managed to see Gemmar for like a couple of hours after work. She found a fit guy to pursue, so that'll be me outta the window for awhile. We did lunch, decided to do it every saturday in this cute little cafe in town. Dunno how long that'll last though.
Waiting for Aim's to finish her dinner so she can talk to me. Yah I gots no other mates. Billy no mates. Innit ¬_¬
Supposed to have my media draft done but cba atm. I'll do it later it'll take 5 minutes. It's only a magazine cover.
Done my psychology tests. Probably failed.
That's Life!
Not a whole lot going on today. Mama is ill again, refusing to go to hospital. We're not letting her go to work tomorrow. She can't even walk so how she expect to work? ¬_¬
I really have no life. I actually managed to see Gemmar for like a couple of hours after work. She found a fit guy to pursue, so that'll be me outta the window for awhile. We did lunch, decided to do it every saturday in this cute little cafe in town. Dunno how long that'll last though.
Waiting for Aim's to finish her dinner so she can talk to me. Yah I gots no other mates. Billy no mates. Innit ¬_¬
Supposed to have my media draft done but cba atm. I'll do it later it'll take 5 minutes. It's only a magazine cover.
Done my psychology tests. Probably failed.
That's Life!
Sunday 5 October 2008
Mmkay?
So the Reading Mentor and Listening Mentor are down the drain because they didn't tell me when the training was.
Ta!
Went to see The Blackout on Friday. Got there and we were first in the queue again ^_^
Pippa, Jodie and Nikki there again. xD
Fun times. Didn't meet the guys cause Aimee had to go. BUT my amazing friends Lydia and Laura got Rhys to record a video saying hey to me. But they lost it so they're getting another on Saturday =]
Back to reality now. Schooool and gotta tidy the house now :(
Ta!
Went to see The Blackout on Friday. Got there and we were first in the queue again ^_^
Pippa, Jodie and Nikki there again. xD
Fun times. Didn't meet the guys cause Aimee had to go. BUT my amazing friends Lydia and Laura got Rhys to record a video saying hey to me. But they lost it so they're getting another on Saturday =]
Back to reality now. Schooool and gotta tidy the house now :(
Wednesday 24 September 2008
So I hate 6th Form.
It sucks.
I'm already failing Graphics. I went to the learning advisor and she wants me to swap to Human Biology. I don't want to! I just want to drop Graphics. Loads of people have dropped subjects and got free periods instead. Why can't I?
I need the time to work on my Media Coursework. I'm making a horror movie. (No I didn't choose Horror as my genre. I was given it)
Also, I have volunteered to be a Science Ambassador, a Reading Mentor for Infants and a Councillor. Well. Not a Councillor as such, but someone who the main schoolers can come talk to about anything. I don't trust the teachers in this school to be understanding, and I know a lot of kids in our school have problems they need to talk about. So i'm there. :)
But yeh. 6th Form sucks. No friends. Can't afford my books. Failing.
Fuck!
I'm already failing Graphics. I went to the learning advisor and she wants me to swap to Human Biology. I don't want to! I just want to drop Graphics. Loads of people have dropped subjects and got free periods instead. Why can't I?
I need the time to work on my Media Coursework. I'm making a horror movie. (No I didn't choose Horror as my genre. I was given it)
Also, I have volunteered to be a Science Ambassador, a Reading Mentor for Infants and a Councillor. Well. Not a Councillor as such, but someone who the main schoolers can come talk to about anything. I don't trust the teachers in this school to be understanding, and I know a lot of kids in our school have problems they need to talk about. So i'm there. :)
But yeh. 6th Form sucks. No friends. Can't afford my books. Failing.
Fuck!
Friday 19 September 2008
We can see through you.
But we don't have X-Ray Eyes!
My bad.
I'm home sick.
I've been at 6th Form for three weeks and already had 4 days off 0_0
I'm skipping for TBO on Friday 3rd October too.
I currently have a kitty cat sat with me! Theres another snooping around somewhere, but Shadow's scenting my room my rubbing his face against everything ¬_¬
Pepper is probably eating. Like a fattie mcfattie. Wanna see them?
Top pic is me and Shadow. It's kinda old though.
Then we've got Pep as a cute lil kitten, then the transformaton into a fattie (the last pic).
Then Cleo, who is outside probably killing some poor innocent creature right now.
We have two other but I have no pics of them on here. Fez and Nefi. They're twins, innit.
My Mama has been home for a day and a bit. And already shes told me to "shut the fuck up or i'll smack your face in" just for asking her to not frighten my cat.
Thanks mother!
Aimee's finally come online, so i'm off to chat to her. Bye.x
My bad.
I'm home sick.
I've been at 6th Form for three weeks and already had 4 days off 0_0
I'm skipping for TBO on Friday 3rd October too.
I currently have a kitty cat sat with me! Theres another snooping around somewhere, but Shadow's scenting my room my rubbing his face against everything ¬_¬
Pepper is probably eating. Like a fattie mcfattie. Wanna see them?
Top pic is me and Shadow. It's kinda old though.
Then we've got Pep as a cute lil kitten, then the transformaton into a fattie (the last pic).
Then Cleo, who is outside probably killing some poor innocent creature right now.
We have two other but I have no pics of them on here. Fez and Nefi. They're twins, innit.
My Mama has been home for a day and a bit. And already shes told me to "shut the fuck up or i'll smack your face in" just for asking her to not frighten my cat.
Thanks mother!
Aimee's finally come online, so i'm off to chat to her. Bye.x
Thursday 11 September 2008
Why am I up at 5am?
CAUSE I'M A FUCKING TWAT.
Nuff said.
I did something stupid, and therefore couldn't sleep. I made Aimee stay up texting me so I could have something to concentrate on cause I was freaking the fuck out. But shes a lightweight and was tired at like, 1am (ta aimee ¬_¬ lol)
So yeh. I'm kinda tireeed.
I am now watching Room Raiders on MTV+1
Because I am very awesome.
Obvz.
Have a good day, thought i'd update ya'll haha
xxxx
Nuff said.
I did something stupid, and therefore couldn't sleep. I made Aimee stay up texting me so I could have something to concentrate on cause I was freaking the fuck out. But shes a lightweight and was tired at like, 1am (ta aimee ¬_¬ lol)
So yeh. I'm kinda tireeed.
I am now watching Room Raiders on MTV+1
Because I am very awesome.
Obvz.
Have a good day, thought i'd update ya'll haha
xxxx
Monday 8 September 2008
6th Form
I loved it. Now I hate it.
It's finally sunk in that i'm growing up. The years are flying by, and I don't want them to.
I'm alone.
English Literature, I thought i'd have Gemmar with me. Nope.
Graphics, my only class with Aimee. Shes gone now, and it feels horrible. I'm in a class full of chavs. They're all best friends with each other, and i'm the kid with the bad hair at the front.
Psychology. Full of a bunch of popular kids who know each other. I'm the one who has the weird views and gets shunned.
Media. I have Asra, but she did GCSE Media. She knows what shes doing. I don't. I got in trouble today cause the teacher didn't tell me what I had to do. I didn't understand and he ignored it. So I didn't write anything other than 'Kerrang! Magazine'.
¬_¬'
Oh, and at lunch. They've changed the schedule. So the people I have left, have lunch at a different time.
This is going to be...shit. :)
Aimee doesn't even get signal at college, so I can't even talk to the one person who keeps me sane.
Ffs.
It's finally sunk in that i'm growing up. The years are flying by, and I don't want them to.
I'm alone.
English Literature, I thought i'd have Gemmar with me. Nope.
Graphics, my only class with Aimee. Shes gone now, and it feels horrible. I'm in a class full of chavs. They're all best friends with each other, and i'm the kid with the bad hair at the front.
Psychology. Full of a bunch of popular kids who know each other. I'm the one who has the weird views and gets shunned.
Media. I have Asra, but she did GCSE Media. She knows what shes doing. I don't. I got in trouble today cause the teacher didn't tell me what I had to do. I didn't understand and he ignored it. So I didn't write anything other than 'Kerrang! Magazine'.
¬_¬'
Oh, and at lunch. They've changed the schedule. So the people I have left, have lunch at a different time.
This is going to be...shit. :)
Aimee doesn't even get signal at college, so I can't even talk to the one person who keeps me sane.
Ffs.
Saturday 30 August 2008
A good cry...
never hurt anyone! =]
I don't know why I just cryed. But I feel better now. :)
I've had a pretty stressful week so I guess it's just built up and flowed out.
I hate how people bitch about people crying. It's a natural thing. It's ok to cry. Crying is good. :)
Ohwell. Just thought i'd update. I start 6th form in 2 days. Did ok in GCSE's.
Yeh.
Seeya.x
I don't know why I just cryed. But I feel better now. :)
I've had a pretty stressful week so I guess it's just built up and flowed out.
I hate how people bitch about people crying. It's a natural thing. It's ok to cry. Crying is good. :)
Ohwell. Just thought i'd update. I start 6th form in 2 days. Did ok in GCSE's.
Yeh.
Seeya.x
Sunday 17 August 2008
Dreams
I'm in a strange sorta mood day.
I got back from Hunstanton this afternoon. It's nice there.
Strange though.
But yeh.
Things are really weird for me at the moment. I feel asif i'm living a lie.
The person I am at the moment, isn't the person I want to be.
Why is it, the things I desperately wish for, the things I want more than anything else in the world, are they things that i'm least likely to ever get. There are people out there, who never have to work for anything, and they get everything they ever wanted.
I don't always try my best, i'll admit that. But I do try. I try alot harder than alot of the people I meet.
Things are difficult for me. I'm not intelligent. Yes, I have common sense and I can figure things out. But I come across people who just make me feel like some hillybilly who's never been to school. I see Chavs walking down the road, talking like fucking 3 year olds. They've had the opportunity to be educated. They've got a home and they've got the potential to be something, someone.
I wish I had the potential to be something.
I've never had any natural talents, and i've never been intelligent. I've not got alot of money, or a supportive family. Yet I try. I've always tryed. I've always to make something of myself, yet these people who've never lifted a finger manage to live happy lives, while i'm sat here thinking what the HELL i'm going to do when I get my exam results on Thursday.
I know i've failed. I'm not intelligent. I'm not creative or talented, and I had no support from my family or my friends.
The people in all my classes through my years of growing up, all the children around me. They're all talented or clever. Or both. There are the ones who can sing, paint, dance, act. The ones who can figure out any equation, who can memorise the periodic symbols, the ones who can write a story in 10 minutes, the ones who can stand infront of the class and read from the book without being nervous.
I've never been able to do that. And because of that I was cast away.
People wonder why I don't have any confidence. Why I don't believe in myself.
I've always been told i'm useless. I've always been told I don't have any talents, and i'm not pretty.
Just because that's true, doesn't mean people had to give up on me straight away.
Even my friends now laugh at me.
I don't like being put on the spot. School is something I HAD to do. I don't mind that, i'm even staying on in 6th form [if I get the grades...yeh right]. But during Maths i'd be asked something.
1. My nerves get the best of me and I can't think so I blank.
2. I'm not clever, so I can't figure things out.
So people laugh.
In English and RE, i'm asked to give my opinion on something. When I do people look at me in disgust, or like i'm stupid. Just because I think differently to other people.
I don't really know where this blog is going. I just need to write things down.
I miss being carefree.
Now as i'm older. I've officially left school. People expect me to be able to make my own way. They don't expect me to be some little self-concious child still.
At heart, i'm still the most fragile person you could ever meet.
I tell people i'm ok. People think nothing affects me, nothing can get to me.
Never being told 'well done' when i've done something good. Never being told 'you like nice' when i've made an effort. Always being shot down, just because someone did something better. ALL through my life that has happened. And it takes it toll when you're older.
I've known nothing else. So how do people expect me to suddenly be confident now i'm 'an adult'.
All the way through school. I've tried.
I've tried to be a creative person. No matter how hard something was i'd try and do it. I tried to paint or write a poem, and even if I was happy with what i'd done, nobody else was. Nobody was ever proud of me. Nobody ever said well done to me when i'd achieved something.
I'd come home from school and try and tell my parents I wrote a story at school, and they'd go yeah cool and walk off. It's still the same now.
My Dad doesn't want anything to do with my school work. My Mum says she does but when I try and tell her stuff she tells me to fuck off and starts screaming at me.
I keep everything inside. And every now and then I cry.
Usually over the stupidest things too. The other day I cryed because I couldn't go to a concert.
My parents want me to talk to them about things. I tried to talk to my Mum the other day, and tell her how much music means to me. All she did was tell me to fuck off, and started screaming at me.
I try and talk to my friends, but they just think i'm being fucking stupid.
This blogs gone off track now. I have so much stuff I want to write down. But I just cna't think how to write anything.
I feel so lonely.
I've never met anyone like me.
There was a time when I thought I was unique. I thought 'Yeah. I suck at talking to people, and alot of people don't like me. But I could find someone who likes me for me, cause i'm different.'
Now everyone likes the things I like. Now its cool to like Vampires. It's cool to listen to Rock music. It's cool to like things that aren't cool.
And I feel like an outcast in my own little world.
And I have nobody to help me.
My friends say 'You can talk to us. We love you'
They don't even know me.
They get angry with me when I try and be myself.
I just don't know what to do anymore.
I'm running out of options. I'm running out of strength, I can feel myself becoming weaker. I've been shaking writing this. I'm not cold.
I want someone to realise that i'm not ok. And I want someone to help me.
But nobody will.
Nobody ever has.
I got back from Hunstanton this afternoon. It's nice there.
Strange though.
But yeh.
Things are really weird for me at the moment. I feel asif i'm living a lie.
The person I am at the moment, isn't the person I want to be.
Why is it, the things I desperately wish for, the things I want more than anything else in the world, are they things that i'm least likely to ever get. There are people out there, who never have to work for anything, and they get everything they ever wanted.
I don't always try my best, i'll admit that. But I do try. I try alot harder than alot of the people I meet.
Things are difficult for me. I'm not intelligent. Yes, I have common sense and I can figure things out. But I come across people who just make me feel like some hillybilly who's never been to school. I see Chavs walking down the road, talking like fucking 3 year olds. They've had the opportunity to be educated. They've got a home and they've got the potential to be something, someone.
I wish I had the potential to be something.
I've never had any natural talents, and i've never been intelligent. I've not got alot of money, or a supportive family. Yet I try. I've always tryed. I've always to make something of myself, yet these people who've never lifted a finger manage to live happy lives, while i'm sat here thinking what the HELL i'm going to do when I get my exam results on Thursday.
I know i've failed. I'm not intelligent. I'm not creative or talented, and I had no support from my family or my friends.
The people in all my classes through my years of growing up, all the children around me. They're all talented or clever. Or both. There are the ones who can sing, paint, dance, act. The ones who can figure out any equation, who can memorise the periodic symbols, the ones who can write a story in 10 minutes, the ones who can stand infront of the class and read from the book without being nervous.
I've never been able to do that. And because of that I was cast away.
People wonder why I don't have any confidence. Why I don't believe in myself.
I've always been told i'm useless. I've always been told I don't have any talents, and i'm not pretty.
Just because that's true, doesn't mean people had to give up on me straight away.
Even my friends now laugh at me.
I don't like being put on the spot. School is something I HAD to do. I don't mind that, i'm even staying on in 6th form [if I get the grades...yeh right]. But during Maths i'd be asked something.
1. My nerves get the best of me and I can't think so I blank.
2. I'm not clever, so I can't figure things out.
So people laugh.
In English and RE, i'm asked to give my opinion on something. When I do people look at me in disgust, or like i'm stupid. Just because I think differently to other people.
I don't really know where this blog is going. I just need to write things down.
I miss being carefree.
Now as i'm older. I've officially left school. People expect me to be able to make my own way. They don't expect me to be some little self-concious child still.
At heart, i'm still the most fragile person you could ever meet.
I tell people i'm ok. People think nothing affects me, nothing can get to me.
Never being told 'well done' when i've done something good. Never being told 'you like nice' when i've made an effort. Always being shot down, just because someone did something better. ALL through my life that has happened. And it takes it toll when you're older.
I've known nothing else. So how do people expect me to suddenly be confident now i'm 'an adult'.
All the way through school. I've tried.
I've tried to be a creative person. No matter how hard something was i'd try and do it. I tried to paint or write a poem, and even if I was happy with what i'd done, nobody else was. Nobody was ever proud of me. Nobody ever said well done to me when i'd achieved something.
I'd come home from school and try and tell my parents I wrote a story at school, and they'd go yeah cool and walk off. It's still the same now.
My Dad doesn't want anything to do with my school work. My Mum says she does but when I try and tell her stuff she tells me to fuck off and starts screaming at me.
I keep everything inside. And every now and then I cry.
Usually over the stupidest things too. The other day I cryed because I couldn't go to a concert.
My parents want me to talk to them about things. I tried to talk to my Mum the other day, and tell her how much music means to me. All she did was tell me to fuck off, and started screaming at me.
I try and talk to my friends, but they just think i'm being fucking stupid.
This blogs gone off track now. I have so much stuff I want to write down. But I just cna't think how to write anything.
I feel so lonely.
I've never met anyone like me.
There was a time when I thought I was unique. I thought 'Yeah. I suck at talking to people, and alot of people don't like me. But I could find someone who likes me for me, cause i'm different.'
Now everyone likes the things I like. Now its cool to like Vampires. It's cool to listen to Rock music. It's cool to like things that aren't cool.
And I feel like an outcast in my own little world.
And I have nobody to help me.
My friends say 'You can talk to us. We love you'
They don't even know me.
They get angry with me when I try and be myself.
I just don't know what to do anymore.
I'm running out of options. I'm running out of strength, I can feel myself becoming weaker. I've been shaking writing this. I'm not cold.
I want someone to realise that i'm not ok. And I want someone to help me.
But nobody will.
Nobody ever has.
Wednesday 6 August 2008
I'm not dead!
I just haven't had the urge to post anything recently.
Yesterday, I did lotsalotsa work. My Uncle owns a marketing consulting thingy company called Spring Thinking. And he has like. 300 companies that he needed to put into his database. So being a boring computer whizz, he asked me to help him out. Didn't manage to add them all yesterday though, even though I was there from 7am until 4.30pm working non-stop. Ok...I had a 20 minute break but you know, barely counts!
In other news! I've been doing alot of work on my fansites. Because, I have no life.
Yes. It's true. There's 2 for Lostprophets, though I co-own one of them with 3 other people.
I also have been doing some work on my Cancer Support site, Fxck Cancer.
Alot of people take that the wrong way. By Fxck Cancer I mean, 'Fuck it, it can't beat us!' Not 'who cares about it, fuck it!'.
I'm actually meant to be tidying my room right now, but you know, blogs are more interesting. haha
I was listening to Aiden earlier. They really did save my life. I love that band so much.
I hate how people take the piss about stuff like that.
You read Kerrang and see all the metalheads going 'Oh fucking whiney emo kids going on about how My Chemical Romance saved their lives. Blahhhhhhhhhhh'
FUCK OFF! Seriously!
I also read people saying 'I love a band, but I don't go around saying they saved my life. Wayyy too many people say that these days'
Does it matter?
Music has a power like nothing else. And if the music saves peoples lives, and makes people happy, who are they to tell them otherwise, or critise them for being happy and stuff?
People just piss me off sometimes.
I read Jamie Oliver's new blog earlier.
That man makes alot of fucking sense.
I dunno what hes doing wasting his time in a rock band lol
He's so damn intelligent, not to mention fucking talented with a paintbrush.
Yesterday, I did lotsalotsa work. My Uncle owns a marketing consulting thingy company called Spring Thinking. And he has like. 300 companies that he needed to put into his database. So being a boring computer whizz, he asked me to help him out. Didn't manage to add them all yesterday though, even though I was there from 7am until 4.30pm working non-stop. Ok...I had a 20 minute break but you know, barely counts!
In other news! I've been doing alot of work on my fansites. Because, I have no life.
Yes. It's true. There's 2 for Lostprophets, though I co-own one of them with 3 other people.
I also have been doing some work on my Cancer Support site, Fxck Cancer.
Alot of people take that the wrong way. By Fxck Cancer I mean, 'Fuck it, it can't beat us!' Not 'who cares about it, fuck it!'.
I'm actually meant to be tidying my room right now, but you know, blogs are more interesting. haha
I was listening to Aiden earlier. They really did save my life. I love that band so much.
I hate how people take the piss about stuff like that.
You read Kerrang and see all the metalheads going 'Oh fucking whiney emo kids going on about how My Chemical Romance saved their lives. Blahhhhhhhhhhh'
FUCK OFF! Seriously!
I also read people saying 'I love a band, but I don't go around saying they saved my life. Wayyy too many people say that these days'
Does it matter?
Music has a power like nothing else. And if the music saves peoples lives, and makes people happy, who are they to tell them otherwise, or critise them for being happy and stuff?
People just piss me off sometimes.
I read Jamie Oliver's new blog earlier.
That man makes alot of fucking sense.
I dunno what hes doing wasting his time in a rock band lol
He's so damn intelligent, not to mention fucking talented with a paintbrush.
Monday 7 July 2008
Hot Kiss
Tell me what you miss boy (8)
Yeh.
I love Juliette Lewis. Though I think she's a much better Actress than singer.
Like in Natural Born Killers. Shes amazing.
LOL. My mother doesn't let me watch that movie. I've seen it before, and SHE hasn't seen it. So wtf?
lol
Anyhow. I saw the new Chronicles Of Narnia on Friday! Ooof Prince Caspian is GORGEOUS! *drools*
I've done my Media Studies work for 6th form.
Though i'm redoing one of the pieces cause its shit.
I'm reading 'Enduring Love' by Ian McEwan for English Literature.
It's STRANGE as hell!
There's one chapter thats entirely a letter from this guy who stalking another guy. And he's like 'Everyday I thank god for your existence'
WTF!
It's a very good book though .
Trust me to go to the 6th Form where we do an Exam on a story about Gay Stalker! LMAO!
Love it.
Anyway. Just a short one today. Cba to write anything else. Not much on my mind to be honest.
x
Yeh.
I love Juliette Lewis. Though I think she's a much better Actress than singer.
Like in Natural Born Killers. Shes amazing.
LOL. My mother doesn't let me watch that movie. I've seen it before, and SHE hasn't seen it. So wtf?
lol
Anyhow. I saw the new Chronicles Of Narnia on Friday! Ooof Prince Caspian is GORGEOUS! *drools*
I've done my Media Studies work for 6th form.
Though i'm redoing one of the pieces cause its shit.
I'm reading 'Enduring Love' by Ian McEwan for English Literature.
It's STRANGE as hell!
There's one chapter thats entirely a letter from this guy who stalking another guy. And he's like 'Everyday I thank god for your existence'
WTF!
It's a very good book though .
Trust me to go to the 6th Form where we do an Exam on a story about Gay Stalker! LMAO!
Love it.
Anyway. Just a short one today. Cba to write anything else. Not much on my mind to be honest.
x
Wednesday 2 July 2008
Lonely
I don't know whether thats the problem or whether i'm just sad.
But whatever it is, I don't feel too good right now. =[
I'm not entirely sure whats the matter, but I feel absolutely useless.
I felt good earlier. I was talking to Lydia and we were just being geeks, talking about random things and laughing and joking. Then my mama gets home and I feel like crap.
I don't know whether I should be saying that or not. She is very very ill after all.
I don't know whether its her illness making her act the way she does, or whether its just her.
I can't remember back to when she wasn't ill. I was too young and i'm so used to her as she is now, I just can't remember what she was like before she got sick. I can't remember my real mother, and I will never know her. I only know the frail 40 year old lady who should be out enjoying herself with her friends, but can't because of a silly disease that is eating away at her.
I'm a very selfish person. I'm not going to sit here and explain why.
I'll probably end up doing it in my next post anyway. But for now, before I start crying, I'll shut up.
But whatever it is, I don't feel too good right now. =[
I'm not entirely sure whats the matter, but I feel absolutely useless.
I felt good earlier. I was talking to Lydia and we were just being geeks, talking about random things and laughing and joking. Then my mama gets home and I feel like crap.
I don't know whether I should be saying that or not. She is very very ill after all.
I don't know whether its her illness making her act the way she does, or whether its just her.
I can't remember back to when she wasn't ill. I was too young and i'm so used to her as she is now, I just can't remember what she was like before she got sick. I can't remember my real mother, and I will never know her. I only know the frail 40 year old lady who should be out enjoying herself with her friends, but can't because of a silly disease that is eating away at her.
I'm a very selfish person. I'm not going to sit here and explain why.
I'll probably end up doing it in my next post anyway. But for now, before I start crying, I'll shut up.
Sunday 29 June 2008
I'm a little worried.
I'm getting worried about my health at the minute.
Things really aren't good. =/
It's been a month since my hospital visit, and things have been going downhill from there.
If any guys are reading this, I suggest you stop now. Cause most guys hate it when girls talk about periods.
That's a great way to stop guys being dickheads. Threaten them with 'girly talk' and they shut the fuck up immediately.
Yeh. Well. I NEVER miss my periods. I'm only ever a day or so late. And i'm now like. 2 weeks late on my period.
When I went to the hospital, the pain was in my lower stomach moving down toward the top of my leg.
They also said the problem was either a cist (probably not spelt that correctly) in my womb or ovaries, or my fallopian tubes were tangled.
So the fact that I have period pain but no period, is sllllightly worrying right now.
Hmm. I'll see how things go. I dun wanna worry my parents. Especially as my mama's health is not so good lately. Well. It never was. She has flipping Cancer. Course it's not good. But she has good days and bad days you know?
Ahh. Whatever.
I just felt like updating.
I went to Alton Towers on Monday! I went on Oblivion, cause i'm a twat!
If you don't know what that is, heres a picture.
Well. I tell you what. I'll post a bunch of pictures for you. 1 of each ride I went on.
Cause i'm bored!
This is Oblivion.
Yes. It's a vertical drop. You hang there for about 3 seconds, and then plung into a black pit with smoke coming out. It's fucking GREAT!
Then theres Air. It's called Air, cause you're basically flying.
You sit down like a normal rollercoaster, then the floor drops and you swing backwards so you're laying facing the floor.
Like so. -->
And then you shoot forward and it's like you're just flying. Me and Jenni went round singing, cause we're cool like that...
What else did I go on?
Ahh! The Corkscrew!
Took alot of convincing to get Heather to go on. She hates Rollercoasters but she went on this and loved it!
Really bangs you about though.
It's shit to be honest! lol
See now, I didn't dare go on Nemesis, cause i'm a fucking wimp.
I just didn't like the look of it. Maybe its the rivers and waterfalls of blood on the way in that put me off?
Anyway.
So i'm buggering off. I went on more. Way more. But I cba to post them.
haha
Things really aren't good. =/
It's been a month since my hospital visit, and things have been going downhill from there.
If any guys are reading this, I suggest you stop now. Cause most guys hate it when girls talk about periods.
That's a great way to stop guys being dickheads. Threaten them with 'girly talk' and they shut the fuck up immediately.
Yeh. Well. I NEVER miss my periods. I'm only ever a day or so late. And i'm now like. 2 weeks late on my period.
When I went to the hospital, the pain was in my lower stomach moving down toward the top of my leg.
They also said the problem was either a cist (probably not spelt that correctly) in my womb or ovaries, or my fallopian tubes were tangled.
So the fact that I have period pain but no period, is sllllightly worrying right now.
Hmm. I'll see how things go. I dun wanna worry my parents. Especially as my mama's health is not so good lately. Well. It never was. She has flipping Cancer. Course it's not good. But she has good days and bad days you know?
Ahh. Whatever.
I just felt like updating.
I went to Alton Towers on Monday! I went on Oblivion, cause i'm a twat!
If you don't know what that is, heres a picture.
Well. I tell you what. I'll post a bunch of pictures for you. 1 of each ride I went on.
Cause i'm bored!
This is Oblivion.
Yes. It's a vertical drop. You hang there for about 3 seconds, and then plung into a black pit with smoke coming out. It's fucking GREAT!
Then theres Air. It's called Air, cause you're basically flying.
You sit down like a normal rollercoaster, then the floor drops and you swing backwards so you're laying facing the floor.
Like so. -->
And then you shoot forward and it's like you're just flying. Me and Jenni went round singing, cause we're cool like that...
What else did I go on?
Ahh! The Corkscrew!
Took alot of convincing to get Heather to go on. She hates Rollercoasters but she went on this and loved it!
Really bangs you about though.
It's shit to be honest! lol
See now, I didn't dare go on Nemesis, cause i'm a fucking wimp.
I just didn't like the look of it. Maybe its the rivers and waterfalls of blood on the way in that put me off?
Anyway.
So i'm buggering off. I went on more. Way more. But I cba to post them.
haha
Saturday 21 June 2008
Jamie Oliver!
I'm worse than him at updating blogs regularly.
Bloody hell.
Ok. So i'm not. He last posted May 22nd.
I was gonna say Ian but he posted June 6th.
So he's alright (Y)
So anyway. Yes.
I'm sorry I didn't do my blogs this week! I've had exams ALL week. And Download at the weekend of course!
BUT AHH. EXAMS FINISHED! I NEVER HAVE TO DO PHYSICS, CHEMISTRY, BIOLOGY, MATHS, HISTORY, RELIGIOUS STUDIES OR ENGLISH LANGUAGE EVER AGAIN!
lol
Of course, I've chosen Psychology, English Literature, Media Studies and Graphics at 6th form. I can't wait. They treat you like you're a human being in 6th form. And i'm doing the subjects I want to do, instead of being told I have to learn about how STUPID Christianity and Islam are as religions. I'm VERY sorry if I offend anyone. But seriously?!
'GAY IS A SIN!'
OBVZ NOT YOU PRICKS! God -_-
So yeh.
SEEING THE BLACKOUT AGAIN IN OCTOBBBBBBER.
I had a choice between Lostprophets and The Blackout. Considering I saw Prophets on Sunday, I chose the boysss.
DOWNLOAD WAS INCREDIBLE! Can I add. lol
Met Madina Lake. Well got a highfive off Matthew Leone!
And Black Stone Cherry came down to the crowd after the show and I got a highfive off the guitarist and drummer aswell! PSYCH!
Aimee is gay. Officially right.
We went to main stage as soon as we got in. We were at the barrier in the centre. AMAZING VIEW.
But after Within Temptation, she needed a wee -_-
SHE DIDN'T DRINK ANYTHING ALL DAY! Weak bladder much! =[
So we had to go to the back. Went to see KIGH and then went back to mainstage. Managed to get back to the barrier for Prophets, but we were right the way over the side. And had the most INCREDIBLY annoying girls behind us.
We were stood there and I heard this girl start bragging. She goes 'Oh. OBVIOUSLY I like Lostprophets otherwise I wouldn't have two tattoos of them!'
And started saying how many times she'd seen them live.
Which i'm not bothered about. But it was out of the blue and unneccasary and obvious she was just doing it to sound cool.
Then Madina Lake came up and TV. And i'm all for expressing opinions but she was out of order. Aimee was singing along and said 'I love Madina Lake' and these girls started screaming. 'THEY'RE FUCKING SHIT. TURN IT OFF. WTF. SHITTY EMO!'
Was that necassary? Really? I think not!
So then Prophets roadies started setting up. And they were shouting 'GEORGE WE LOVE YOU GEORGE! GEOOOOOOORGE' in the most annoying accent -_-
And started talking about how 'Ilan proper loves them' and said he'll be looking out for them in the crowd. I'm not saying thats not true. BUT STOP BRAGGING! They were saying it SO loud, so that everyone could hear.
Then we saw them walking from backstage toward the stage. And we were like 'Oooh look! There they are' and the girls next to me where screaming [which I have NO problem with. They were just happy :)] and these girls started screaming at us again going 'GOD YOU FUCKING TEENIES. IT'S LIKE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN THEM BEFOOOORE. STOP BEING SUCH TEENIES AND SHUT THE FUCK UP WAHWAHWAH'.
What gave them the right to tell us what to do? THEY should have shut the fuck up. I was about ready to smack them! You know. We were just trying to have fun and have a laugh and be excited and stuff! And I HAD never seen them live before. Just cause i've liked them since I was 9 years old, doesn't mean I've seen them live.
My mums had cancer since I was 11. So how could I possibly really get the chance to see them? It's only recently i've been getting my own way to gigs and even been allowed to them on my own.
They just really fucking annoyed me.
But yes. Prophets were amazing. The girls didn't fuck that up for me thank god.
I LOVE Jamie's hair.
Like, I proper love it.
They were all looking rather lovely. Though I couldn't see Ilan cause I was too far down the barrier.
Apparently. I got hit on the shoulder with a bottle.
Aimee told me that. I didn't feel a thing.
Weird. lol
Peace out. I'll stop moaning now lol!
Bloody hell.
Ok. So i'm not. He last posted May 22nd.
I was gonna say Ian but he posted June 6th.
So he's alright (Y)
So anyway. Yes.
I'm sorry I didn't do my blogs this week! I've had exams ALL week. And Download at the weekend of course!
BUT AHH. EXAMS FINISHED! I NEVER HAVE TO DO PHYSICS, CHEMISTRY, BIOLOGY, MATHS, HISTORY, RELIGIOUS STUDIES OR ENGLISH LANGUAGE EVER AGAIN!
lol
Of course, I've chosen Psychology, English Literature, Media Studies and Graphics at 6th form. I can't wait. They treat you like you're a human being in 6th form. And i'm doing the subjects I want to do, instead of being told I have to learn about how STUPID Christianity and Islam are as religions. I'm VERY sorry if I offend anyone. But seriously?!
'GAY IS A SIN!'
OBVZ NOT YOU PRICKS! God -_-
So yeh.
SEEING THE BLACKOUT AGAIN IN OCTOBBBBBBER.
I had a choice between Lostprophets and The Blackout. Considering I saw Prophets on Sunday, I chose the boysss.
DOWNLOAD WAS INCREDIBLE! Can I add. lol
Met Madina Lake. Well got a highfive off Matthew Leone!
And Black Stone Cherry came down to the crowd after the show and I got a highfive off the guitarist and drummer aswell! PSYCH!
Aimee is gay. Officially right.
We went to main stage as soon as we got in. We were at the barrier in the centre. AMAZING VIEW.
But after Within Temptation, she needed a wee -_-
SHE DIDN'T DRINK ANYTHING ALL DAY! Weak bladder much! =[
So we had to go to the back. Went to see KIGH and then went back to mainstage. Managed to get back to the barrier for Prophets, but we were right the way over the side. And had the most INCREDIBLY annoying girls behind us.
We were stood there and I heard this girl start bragging. She goes 'Oh. OBVIOUSLY I like Lostprophets otherwise I wouldn't have two tattoos of them!'
And started saying how many times she'd seen them live.
Which i'm not bothered about. But it was out of the blue and unneccasary and obvious she was just doing it to sound cool.
Then Madina Lake came up and TV. And i'm all for expressing opinions but she was out of order. Aimee was singing along and said 'I love Madina Lake' and these girls started screaming. 'THEY'RE FUCKING SHIT. TURN IT OFF. WTF. SHITTY EMO!'
Was that necassary? Really? I think not!
So then Prophets roadies started setting up. And they were shouting 'GEORGE WE LOVE YOU GEORGE! GEOOOOOOORGE' in the most annoying accent -_-
And started talking about how 'Ilan proper loves them' and said he'll be looking out for them in the crowd. I'm not saying thats not true. BUT STOP BRAGGING! They were saying it SO loud, so that everyone could hear.
Then we saw them walking from backstage toward the stage. And we were like 'Oooh look! There they are' and the girls next to me where screaming [which I have NO problem with. They were just happy :)] and these girls started screaming at us again going 'GOD YOU FUCKING TEENIES. IT'S LIKE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN THEM BEFOOOORE. STOP BEING SUCH TEENIES AND SHUT THE FUCK UP WAHWAHWAH'.
What gave them the right to tell us what to do? THEY should have shut the fuck up. I was about ready to smack them! You know. We were just trying to have fun and have a laugh and be excited and stuff! And I HAD never seen them live before. Just cause i've liked them since I was 9 years old, doesn't mean I've seen them live.
My mums had cancer since I was 11. So how could I possibly really get the chance to see them? It's only recently i've been getting my own way to gigs and even been allowed to them on my own.
They just really fucking annoyed me.
But yes. Prophets were amazing. The girls didn't fuck that up for me thank god.
I LOVE Jamie's hair.
Like, I proper love it.
They were all looking rather lovely. Though I couldn't see Ilan cause I was too far down the barrier.
Apparently. I got hit on the shoulder with a bottle.
Aimee told me that. I didn't feel a thing.
Weird. lol
Peace out. I'll stop moaning now lol!
Thursday 12 June 2008
Bloody immense weekend coming up.
So.
I am off to download in the morning.
If you don't know what Download is, jump off a cliff.
Nah I kid. But do your rock research. No, not Geology...
So! Download.
The big LP.
Though I'm not there to see just them.
Though its basically just them and Judas Priest.
PRIEST!
Fucking hell.
It's going to amazing to have the midlands very own rock legends, back in their home territory.
Pah. Gonna be immense.
I'll post on Monday, when all is over.
Peaceout x
I am off to download in the morning.
If you don't know what Download is, jump off a cliff.
Nah I kid. But do your rock research. No, not Geology...
So! Download.
The big LP.
Though I'm not there to see just them.
Though its basically just them and Judas Priest.
PRIEST!
Fucking hell.
It's going to amazing to have the midlands very own rock legends, back in their home territory.
Pah. Gonna be immense.
I'll post on Monday, when all is over.
Peaceout x
Saturday 7 June 2008
Taps
Not the metal things you get on sinks. That Salad Fingers wants to marry.
No.
The movie. I just watched it and it's incredible.
It's so powerful and gah!
I was thinking alot while I was watching it. Now I can't remember what the hell I was gonna write.
It's just such a powerful movie.
I won't spoil it for those who haven't seen it, but it really did make me think.
I really can't put it into words now. I knew what I was gonna write until I sat down at my computer table. Pffft. Trust me to forget.
I'll probably remember later, and i'll write it out then. But for now. This is a short post. And i'm going to sit and be boring.
<3
No.
The movie. I just watched it and it's incredible.
It's so powerful and gah!
I was thinking alot while I was watching it. Now I can't remember what the hell I was gonna write.
It's just such a powerful movie.
I won't spoil it for those who haven't seen it, but it really did make me think.
I really can't put it into words now. I knew what I was gonna write until I sat down at my computer table. Pffft. Trust me to forget.
I'll probably remember later, and i'll write it out then. But for now. This is a short post. And i'm going to sit and be boring.
<3
Tuesday 3 June 2008
Ogre!!
I'm in another foul mood.
Fucking hell.
I can't even explain what i'm feeling right now.
It's weird to be honest.
I mean. Gosh.
I feel unappreciated, sympathetic, angry, disappointed, upset and stupid all in one.
I'm so fucking Emo.
Jesus.
This is gonna come out wrong, and probably offend an awful lotta people. And probably people are gonna be thinking i'm a big headed bitch. But i'm not honestly.
It's just recently everyone seems to getting into everything that I like. Yes I know shock horror. But it just seems that everything that makes me...me, is being taken away from me. I have no self-confidence, and the only think I like about myself is the fact that i'm myself. I'm me. I guess, unique. I've always liked odd things, like I grew up being in love with Ozzy Osbourne, Rocky Horror Picture Show, I used to read Anne Rice books and Bram Stoker's Dracula when I was 6 and I used to dress up as a vampire daily when I was 4 years old. I'd been hated throughout my entire life for being like that. And now all of a sudden, its cool to be a freak.
I left this blog for about 3 hours, and ended up watching all the Full Ponty 2007 videos instead.
I wish I was Welsh. Or atleast I wish England had like, a proper big patriot root.
I don't feel a part of anything =/
Fucking hell.
I can't even explain what i'm feeling right now.
It's weird to be honest.
I mean. Gosh.
I feel unappreciated, sympathetic, angry, disappointed, upset and stupid all in one.
I'm so fucking Emo.
Jesus.
This is gonna come out wrong, and probably offend an awful lotta people. And probably people are gonna be thinking i'm a big headed bitch. But i'm not honestly.
It's just recently everyone seems to getting into everything that I like. Yes I know shock horror. But it just seems that everything that makes me...me, is being taken away from me. I have no self-confidence, and the only think I like about myself is the fact that i'm myself. I'm me. I guess, unique. I've always liked odd things, like I grew up being in love with Ozzy Osbourne, Rocky Horror Picture Show, I used to read Anne Rice books and Bram Stoker's Dracula when I was 6 and I used to dress up as a vampire daily when I was 4 years old. I'd been hated throughout my entire life for being like that. And now all of a sudden, its cool to be a freak.
I left this blog for about 3 hours, and ended up watching all the Full Ponty 2007 videos instead.
I wish I was Welsh. Or atleast I wish England had like, a proper big patriot root.
I don't feel a part of anything =/
Monday 2 June 2008
Ouch!
I have no tablets left!
And my stomach still hurts =[
Luckily it didn't hurt too much for my exam today.
Whoopee by the way!
No more maths exams, ever again. EVER!
I'm watching the Peep Show.
Love it.
I was watching Red Dwarf earlier. I love that more, to be honest.
Also had a realisation.
I'm a weirdo.
Right, I don't want a boyfriend, yet i'm feeling alone atm.
Like.
I really do not want a relationship. No thanks.
But I want that feeling where I know someone cares about me.
And I want buttieefliesss. lol Hmmmm.
I'm odd.
<3
And my stomach still hurts =[
Luckily it didn't hurt too much for my exam today.
Whoopee by the way!
No more maths exams, ever again. EVER!
I'm watching the Peep Show.
Love it.
I was watching Red Dwarf earlier. I love that more, to be honest.
Also had a realisation.
I'm a weirdo.
Right, I don't want a boyfriend, yet i'm feeling alone atm.
Like.
I really do not want a relationship. No thanks.
But I want that feeling where I know someone cares about me.
And I want buttieefliesss. lol Hmmmm.
I'm odd.
<3
Saturday 31 May 2008
Meep
Not posted daily cause i've not been doing anything.
Considering i'm on bed rest thanks to the hospital =/
I have a nice big bruise going up my arm where they shoved the tube, and its horrible to look at to be honest 0_0
In other news. Dr Who was on tonight! Wooo! After last week when it was not on cause of the flippin Eurovision!! JSHGdbhugfu
haha
But yeh, strangely enough it hasn't made my fear of the dark worse, which is odd. Usually the smallest things boost my fears. But nah. That's good I guess. =]
Well then, not much on this blog. Just a filler cause i'm booooored.
My last blog was weird I know, but as I said in my first blog, i'm using this as like, a diary too. So I can get my feelings down and make myself feel better! =]
Maths exam on Monday. Gonna have to go to the doctors in the morning [monday] and get more painkillers cause i've run out! I can't get through an exam in the pain I was in last Monday. Nooo-way.
A Fail would be on the cards definately if that happened.
And then English on Tuesday. Should be ok. Hopefully.
Eeep!
Bye<3
Considering i'm on bed rest thanks to the hospital =/
I have a nice big bruise going up my arm where they shoved the tube, and its horrible to look at to be honest 0_0
In other news. Dr Who was on tonight! Wooo! After last week when it was not on cause of the flippin Eurovision!! JSHGdbhugfu
haha
But yeh, strangely enough it hasn't made my fear of the dark worse, which is odd. Usually the smallest things boost my fears. But nah. That's good I guess. =]
Well then, not much on this blog. Just a filler cause i'm booooored.
My last blog was weird I know, but as I said in my first blog, i'm using this as like, a diary too. So I can get my feelings down and make myself feel better! =]
Maths exam on Monday. Gonna have to go to the doctors in the morning [monday] and get more painkillers cause i've run out! I can't get through an exam in the pain I was in last Monday. Nooo-way.
A Fail would be on the cards definately if that happened.
And then English on Tuesday. Should be ok. Hopefully.
Eeep!
Bye<3
Wednesday 28 May 2008
First real use
Yeh. The first time i've really needed to turn to my blog to get things off my chest.
It doesn't matter what I say here, cause absolutely nobody reads my blogs anyway!
So I can moan and bitch as much as I like without being told to stop being emo and blahblahblah. EVERYONE HAS BAD DAYS. STFU! I knowwww things can be worse blah fucking blah. Who gives a shit what you think!
Anyway.
As I said in my first post, my mood tends to change VERY quickly.
At the minute i'm feeling pretty disappointed and unwanted. Yeh. EVERYONE things the world hates them. Yehhh.
Well. To be honest i'm allowed to think that.
All the girls who whine and bitch about their life, have a mother who is always wanting to know how their life is and how school is going, they have a boyfriend or girlfriend who cares about them, their daddy is rich, they have amazing hair, tons of friends, good grades and are absolutely gorgeous.
Am I being stereotypical or judgemental? Nah.
It's always the typical American scene kids with pink hair and black and blonde stripes dyed through it with hair extentions in, and their nose pierced and three lip piercings. It is. Deal with it.
Now what have I got going for me, truly? Be honest. There's nothing is there?
I'm not being the typical 16 year old girl who is really self concious and hates herself for attention and blahh. I'm truly shite.
I don't have ANY talents. And if I did there is 100000 scene kids out there who can do it better. Like, I used to wanna be a photographer. CHYEAH! Like I can do THAT now. It's like the most popular thing to be these days. And ANYONE who is younger than 20 and wants to be a photographer is automatically a fake who wants to be 'in on the scene'. Same with clothing lines! I used to design my own clothes. CHYEAH! Everyone does that now! Duh. And guess what, mine are shit cause ALL THE SCENE KIDS who use the SAME designs as each other 'oh little bunnies and inanimate objects with smiley faces and rainbows and SCENE KID STUFF' get all the people loving them and anyone else is obviously a fake who wants to get 'in on the sceneee'.
All these kids also have the potential to do well in school. They bitch about homework and getting C's or B's in their tests and exams.
OH NO! Not a C!
Hey kids, try being me. I have shit for brains. I used to think I was good at English. BING! WRONGGG. I'm shit. Especially compared to like, everyone in my school! Everyone I know got an A in the latest English Lit exam. Did I? Nooope. I didn't. And i'm generally gonna fail all my subjects. I'm dumb as shit. I have no potential to do well. Is this me just thinking i'm a bad student when actually I DO have potential? NOPE! I really don't!
Guess what! Some people actually AREN'T going to get anywhere with their life. Some people ARE going to end up working in a factory or some shitty job for the rest of their life and aren't going to achieve their dreams if they work hard!
Why do people do that? Parents and teachers. They tell you 'You'll get far if you try!' So you try and get nowhere. It's like, 'Thanks, make the blow even more difficult by REALLY making me realise i'm stupid'.
All my friends are so clever. They're all talented. I mean, Gemmar could get SO far with her voice, and her acting and charisma, and even if she didn't she is so clever she'd have that to fall back on. Aimee is getting places with her horse care. She got into her horse care course straight away, and won an award at her horse college for student of the year. They're both going places. And the people in my science class like Clare, Jenni, Pip, Harry, Sian, Alex, Tom, they're all SO clever. Then there is me. Heh.
And I feel left out you know.
Even my friends are ditching me.
The only person who talks to me at school is Aimee. She's leaving next month. Two years on my own. I have Gemmar, but shes so popular cause shes so charasmatic and amazing and fun and so genuine. Why would she wanna waste her time with me?
And everyone in our 'group' at school has gone their seperate ways. The 6th formers don't hang out with us anymore. They stay in one group. Then there is all the Year 10s. Most of the Year 11's in my group are friends with the Year 10's and the Year 10's hate me. So where does that leave me? My friends have better friends than me so they don't bother talking to little boring untalented ugly Cheri. Guh.
And when I thought I had found somewhere I belong, it was all taken away from me. You wouldn't understand this at all anyway. So I doubt there is any point in explaining it.
But basically, I felt so happy cause I thought I had found somewhere that I fitted in, where people didn't care what you looked like or how much money you have or how many times you have seen a certain band live or even how long you have liked a certain band. But I was wrong. As usual. I can't figure anything out, and when I do it's always wrong. So why do I bother?
Ohwell.
I guess i'll go back to smiling and pretending i'm ok. Like i've always done.
Always.
Nobody is gonna read this anyway.
So lol.
Goodbye me! 0_o
It doesn't matter what I say here, cause absolutely nobody reads my blogs anyway!
So I can moan and bitch as much as I like without being told to stop being emo and blahblahblah. EVERYONE HAS BAD DAYS. STFU! I knowwww things can be worse blah fucking blah. Who gives a shit what you think!
Anyway.
As I said in my first post, my mood tends to change VERY quickly.
At the minute i'm feeling pretty disappointed and unwanted. Yeh. EVERYONE things the world hates them. Yehhh.
Well. To be honest i'm allowed to think that.
All the girls who whine and bitch about their life, have a mother who is always wanting to know how their life is and how school is going, they have a boyfriend or girlfriend who cares about them, their daddy is rich, they have amazing hair, tons of friends, good grades and are absolutely gorgeous.
Am I being stereotypical or judgemental? Nah.
It's always the typical American scene kids with pink hair and black and blonde stripes dyed through it with hair extentions in, and their nose pierced and three lip piercings. It is. Deal with it.
Now what have I got going for me, truly? Be honest. There's nothing is there?
I'm not being the typical 16 year old girl who is really self concious and hates herself for attention and blahh. I'm truly shite.
I don't have ANY talents. And if I did there is 100000 scene kids out there who can do it better. Like, I used to wanna be a photographer. CHYEAH! Like I can do THAT now. It's like the most popular thing to be these days. And ANYONE who is younger than 20 and wants to be a photographer is automatically a fake who wants to be 'in on the scene'. Same with clothing lines! I used to design my own clothes. CHYEAH! Everyone does that now! Duh. And guess what, mine are shit cause ALL THE SCENE KIDS who use the SAME designs as each other 'oh little bunnies and inanimate objects with smiley faces and rainbows and SCENE KID STUFF' get all the people loving them and anyone else is obviously a fake who wants to get 'in on the sceneee'.
All these kids also have the potential to do well in school. They bitch about homework and getting C's or B's in their tests and exams.
OH NO! Not a C!
Hey kids, try being me. I have shit for brains. I used to think I was good at English. BING! WRONGGG. I'm shit. Especially compared to like, everyone in my school! Everyone I know got an A in the latest English Lit exam. Did I? Nooope. I didn't. And i'm generally gonna fail all my subjects. I'm dumb as shit. I have no potential to do well. Is this me just thinking i'm a bad student when actually I DO have potential? NOPE! I really don't!
Guess what! Some people actually AREN'T going to get anywhere with their life. Some people ARE going to end up working in a factory or some shitty job for the rest of their life and aren't going to achieve their dreams if they work hard!
Why do people do that? Parents and teachers. They tell you 'You'll get far if you try!' So you try and get nowhere. It's like, 'Thanks, make the blow even more difficult by REALLY making me realise i'm stupid'.
All my friends are so clever. They're all talented. I mean, Gemmar could get SO far with her voice, and her acting and charisma, and even if she didn't she is so clever she'd have that to fall back on. Aimee is getting places with her horse care. She got into her horse care course straight away, and won an award at her horse college for student of the year. They're both going places. And the people in my science class like Clare, Jenni, Pip, Harry, Sian, Alex, Tom, they're all SO clever. Then there is me. Heh.
And I feel left out you know.
Even my friends are ditching me.
The only person who talks to me at school is Aimee. She's leaving next month. Two years on my own. I have Gemmar, but shes so popular cause shes so charasmatic and amazing and fun and so genuine. Why would she wanna waste her time with me?
And everyone in our 'group' at school has gone their seperate ways. The 6th formers don't hang out with us anymore. They stay in one group. Then there is all the Year 10s. Most of the Year 11's in my group are friends with the Year 10's and the Year 10's hate me. So where does that leave me? My friends have better friends than me so they don't bother talking to little boring untalented ugly Cheri. Guh.
And when I thought I had found somewhere I belong, it was all taken away from me. You wouldn't understand this at all anyway. So I doubt there is any point in explaining it.
But basically, I felt so happy cause I thought I had found somewhere that I fitted in, where people didn't care what you looked like or how much money you have or how many times you have seen a certain band live or even how long you have liked a certain band. But I was wrong. As usual. I can't figure anything out, and when I do it's always wrong. So why do I bother?
Ohwell.
I guess i'll go back to smiling and pretending i'm ok. Like i've always done.
Always.
Nobody is gonna read this anyway.
So lol.
Goodbye me! 0_o
Hospital!
Sorry I wasn't posting this week!
I was gonna update my blog Monday night.
But, I was rushed to hospital.
So yeh, kinda impossible to post.
So hospital stay was HORRIBLE as you can expect.
Paramedics came, they were so nice! =]
Even though the woman in the ambulance put this thing on my finger and stabbed me on the end of my finger.
Proper hurt!
Then she said 'It's ok. I did that so you wouldn't need it done in the hospital. All over and done with now'
I get in and the nurse tells me they'll need blood.
I burst into tears. I'm such a wimp..
But I had to have a canular [sp?] in my wrist.
Made me puke. Then I puked when I had Morphine (it's fucking HORRIBLE! Bloody hell) then puked when they took the canular out. Bloody hell.
And to make it worse the Morphine didn't work. So I had to go home in serious amounts of pain.
They didn't know what was up with me. Which was worse. They said maybe it was something to do with a twist in my fallopian tube, or a cist in my ovary. But they never did a scan or anything =/
Luckily after awhile and a few painkillers the pain went. But it still hurts when my painkillers ware off. =[
So if anyone reads my blogs. Sorry I didn't give you an update on my boring life.
Pah.
I was gonna update my blog Monday night.
But, I was rushed to hospital.
So yeh, kinda impossible to post.
So hospital stay was HORRIBLE as you can expect.
Paramedics came, they were so nice! =]
Even though the woman in the ambulance put this thing on my finger and stabbed me on the end of my finger.
Proper hurt!
Then she said 'It's ok. I did that so you wouldn't need it done in the hospital. All over and done with now'
I get in and the nurse tells me they'll need blood.
I burst into tears. I'm such a wimp..
But I had to have a canular [sp?] in my wrist.
Made me puke. Then I puked when I had Morphine (it's fucking HORRIBLE! Bloody hell) then puked when they took the canular out. Bloody hell.
And to make it worse the Morphine didn't work. So I had to go home in serious amounts of pain.
They didn't know what was up with me. Which was worse. They said maybe it was something to do with a twist in my fallopian tube, or a cist in my ovary. But they never did a scan or anything =/
Luckily after awhile and a few painkillers the pain went. But it still hurts when my painkillers ware off. =[
So if anyone reads my blogs. Sorry I didn't give you an update on my boring life.
Pah.
Sunday 25 May 2008
Ooops
Totally forgot to post yesterday.
I was thinking about it, then it just slipped my mind. So sorry.
I have a headache at the minute. Because I can't be bothered to look for my glasses, so my eyes are hurting when I try and see the screen or the TV. Ouch. Fuck this i'm going to find them. Painful much!
They fell on the floor. -_-
Well.
Not much to do today. Change my bedsheets maybe, and clean my room up.
Mamma's out [thank god!] at a Mini Run thing. Wouldn't let me go =/
But to be honest, i'm happy I have some time away from her whining.
I so wish I was in Leeds right now. SLAM DUNK!
Not fair liiiike.
So i've been watching MTV Cribs and at the minute there is some MASSIVE dude on!
Pah.
This is my most boring blog so far.
Someone give me something to talk about!
Like, I've been reading Ian Watkins and Jamie Oliver's blogs, and no offence but Ian, you're boring lol.
Jamie is really interesting. He rambles, or well, he talks in depth about things and its cool you know?
He answers questions people send him and I think it's great, even if he is sarcastic alot.
He's a wicked dude. Can't wait to see Lostprophets at Download Festival, even if they're not that stoked about playing a 'serious' show. I wanna go to some of the Warm Up shows cause they reckon they'll be proper fun and awesome.
Anyone wanna give me a lift to one of them?
Andd, I said i'd post my pictures from TBO gig. So here have some pics!
=]
I look awful in the picture of me and Gavin. Which sucks balls. I love the one of me and Snoz. It's brilliant. He's a legend. Sean in the background of the one with Bob = lol. Seriously. He's a twat, but I love him. He looks really cute in the pic of me and him though. Which I never thought i'd admit. Aimee was so happy when I admitted he's 'fit' after meeting him. I never said it before. haha
Anyway. Amazing show. =]
I was thinking about it, then it just slipped my mind. So sorry.
I have a headache at the minute. Because I can't be bothered to look for my glasses, so my eyes are hurting when I try and see the screen or the TV. Ouch. Fuck this i'm going to find them. Painful much!
They fell on the floor. -_-
Well.
Not much to do today. Change my bedsheets maybe, and clean my room up.
Mamma's out [thank god!] at a Mini Run thing. Wouldn't let me go =/
But to be honest, i'm happy I have some time away from her whining.
I so wish I was in Leeds right now. SLAM DUNK!
Not fair liiiike.
So i've been watching MTV Cribs and at the minute there is some MASSIVE dude on!
Pah.
This is my most boring blog so far.
Someone give me something to talk about!
Like, I've been reading Ian Watkins and Jamie Oliver's blogs, and no offence but Ian, you're boring lol.
Jamie is really interesting. He rambles, or well, he talks in depth about things and its cool you know?
He answers questions people send him and I think it's great, even if he is sarcastic alot.
He's a wicked dude. Can't wait to see Lostprophets at Download Festival, even if they're not that stoked about playing a 'serious' show. I wanna go to some of the Warm Up shows cause they reckon they'll be proper fun and awesome.
Anyone wanna give me a lift to one of them?
Andd, I said i'd post my pictures from TBO gig. So here have some pics!
=]
I look awful in the picture of me and Gavin. Which sucks balls. I love the one of me and Snoz. It's brilliant. He's a legend. Sean in the background of the one with Bob = lol. Seriously. He's a twat, but I love him. He looks really cute in the pic of me and him though. Which I never thought i'd admit. Aimee was so happy when I admitted he's 'fit' after meeting him. I never said it before. haha
Anyway. Amazing show. =]
Friday 23 May 2008
Cheese and Crackers
Don't you just love them?
Krackawheat, with Red Leicester or Mature Cheddar Cheese, Butter and Vegemite.
Not Marmite, Vegemite.
Ooh. I'm like, the only person who likes the stuff! It's amazing. You get it in Australia and New Zealand. You can buy it here but for some reason its not as good. All the Australians eat it. Two people were eating Vegemite sandwiches in Home and Away once. Mmmm Vegemite =]
So yes anyway.
Today was uneventful.
My mum made me stay home with her cause she 'couldn't be arsed to get up early'.
Which is fair enough haha.
Got a week off, then go back to Maths and English exams. Joy!
But, much to my happiness, I got a myspace message from Rhys Lewis this morning when I logged on. That was nice :)
Real nice of him to message me. I'm not worth his time, so it was nice of him.
I was hoping to make this longer, but I got distracted when I started writing it like, 2 hours ago. It's now past Midnight and I have to get up for work in the morning, so i'll have to leave this blog as it is.
Tomorrow, before Doctor Who is on, i'll post a few pictures from the blackout! show.
Not that anyone reads this ever.
Night<3
Krackawheat, with Red Leicester or Mature Cheddar Cheese, Butter and Vegemite.
Not Marmite, Vegemite.
Ooh. I'm like, the only person who likes the stuff! It's amazing. You get it in Australia and New Zealand. You can buy it here but for some reason its not as good. All the Australians eat it. Two people were eating Vegemite sandwiches in Home and Away once. Mmmm Vegemite =]
So yes anyway.
Today was uneventful.
My mum made me stay home with her cause she 'couldn't be arsed to get up early'.
Which is fair enough haha.
Got a week off, then go back to Maths and English exams. Joy!
But, much to my happiness, I got a myspace message from Rhys Lewis this morning when I logged on. That was nice :)
Real nice of him to message me. I'm not worth his time, so it was nice of him.
I was hoping to make this longer, but I got distracted when I started writing it like, 2 hours ago. It's now past Midnight and I have to get up for work in the morning, so i'll have to leave this blog as it is.
Tomorrow, before Doctor Who is on, i'll post a few pictures from the blackout! show.
Not that anyone reads this ever.
Night<3
Thursday 22 May 2008
Questionnaires
Make me laugh.
They always assume you're American.
Always ask the same questions.
Always end up making you more bored than you were when you started.
Well here.
They always assume you're American.
Always ask the same questions.
Always end up making you more bored than you were when you started.
Well here.
We Are The Dynamite
Yes, I didn't post yesterday cause I was chillin' wid da blackout!
-_-
Yeah. Went to see them yesterday supporting Story Of The Year.
Though to be fair, much to Mr Sean Smith's disgust, not many people were there to see Story Of The Year. I think that pissed him off a bit. That more people were there to see The Blackout.
I mean, I admit, I went to see The Blackout. But I did queue from 11am, so he can't be mad at me...Can he?
lol
I mean. I was there before they were. They pulled up and I was just like, ooh the driver looks like James. IT IS JAMES! =o
Bobbbb.
Then Sean stuck his fingers up at his.
&&
Gareth's a lovely guy.
I feel asif I intruded on them though.
I mean. They had just been crammed into a little van with all their stuff in and 8-9 of them. And then everyone runs over to them. And me and Aimee made this stupid banner that we gave to them. Even though Snoz loved it, I could tell Sean didn't. Matthew and Bob didn't see it. Gavin was interested though. And pointed out Rhys' fansite to him and made him blush.
But yeh. So I feel like I wasted their time, even though I know they expect people to want pictures and stuff.
Maybe its just me being shy and self concious and retarded in general.
Hmm.
Show was good though.
Very talented band. =]
My mood has been all over the place today.
I've been majorly happy all day, even when I had to have my injection! It hurt. But I was still all giddy and happy. Then I get home to my shitty life [oh no. here comes the emo kid 'my life sucks' thing] and just realise that I really lack excitement and no wonder I have no friends. I'm so frickin boring.
So i'm going to get loads of jobs, and just work work work and do nothing else, and just go to shows with all the money I earn.
Cause shows are amazing. The vibe is brilliant. I get to meet new people, its nice. And when you get to meet people you look up to, its brilliant, even if you ARE in the way...
-_-
Yeah. Went to see them yesterday supporting Story Of The Year.
Though to be fair, much to Mr Sean Smith's disgust, not many people were there to see Story Of The Year. I think that pissed him off a bit. That more people were there to see The Blackout.
I mean, I admit, I went to see The Blackout. But I did queue from 11am, so he can't be mad at me...Can he?
lol
I mean. I was there before they were. They pulled up and I was just like, ooh the driver looks like James. IT IS JAMES! =o
Bobbbb.
Then Sean stuck his fingers up at his.
&&
Gareth's a lovely guy.
I feel asif I intruded on them though.
I mean. They had just been crammed into a little van with all their stuff in and 8-9 of them. And then everyone runs over to them. And me and Aimee made this stupid banner that we gave to them. Even though Snoz loved it, I could tell Sean didn't. Matthew and Bob didn't see it. Gavin was interested though. And pointed out Rhys' fansite to him and made him blush.
But yeh. So I feel like I wasted their time, even though I know they expect people to want pictures and stuff.
Maybe its just me being shy and self concious and retarded in general.
Hmm.
Show was good though.
Very talented band. =]
My mood has been all over the place today.
I've been majorly happy all day, even when I had to have my injection! It hurt. But I was still all giddy and happy. Then I get home to my shitty life [oh no. here comes the emo kid 'my life sucks' thing] and just realise that I really lack excitement and no wonder I have no friends. I'm so frickin boring.
So i'm going to get loads of jobs, and just work work work and do nothing else, and just go to shows with all the money I earn.
Cause shows are amazing. The vibe is brilliant. I get to meet new people, its nice. And when you get to meet people you look up to, its brilliant, even if you ARE in the way...
Tuesday 20 May 2008
Intelligence
It's a bit of a weird title I know. But it MIGHT make sense later.
As I said. I don't care if nobody reads this, I just like writing down the things that happen to me, and writing down my thoughts and feelings and stuff.
So today, was my last English Literature exam. English Literature is over. OR it would be if I hadn't chosen to do it in 6th form! ha
The exam was alright I guess. I'll be honest, i'd never been so nervous about an exam in my life! Ok so maybe my guitar exam was scarier, but that was because I don't like one to one things, and I didn't know the examiner dude.
But yeh, so I was pretty worried. I got in there and I guess it went ok. I finished it with about 20 minutes to spare, so I thought about stuff.
I really like poetry you know. Well, good poetry. Poetry that isn't satirical or just plain stupid. I had to do my exam on these two very odd Satirical poems. Well, one is satirical, i'm not sure about the other, it is 'funny' though. By that I mean its supposed to be funny but its just not.
It's called Rat O Rat. It's a bunch of monkeys bollocks. The other was Mort Aux Chats. Which is actually pretty good. It's very Satirical though, so I am kind of contradicting myself there.
So why was this poem good? It makes some bloody good points thats what. Yeah its a funny poem, but you have to read into it. It's got a good message. Even if the poet decided to say this through a dogs eyes, about how much he hates cats...
I love cats! I have 5. =]
Just thought i'd point that one out like!
Well here's the poem anyway. If you want to read it.
http://blogger.xs4all.nl/wdegroot/archive/2005/02/23/28443.aspx
It was written in 1929. It's STILL the same these days. Life in general. Hating and Discrimination. Yadayada.
If you don't understand the poem, i'll tell you about it. Just ask me in a comment or message my myspace or email address whatever.
I'm going to see the blackout! tomorrow.
So I won't post tomorrow.
I might post again later tonight. To make up for it. Not that anyone reads this...
Monday 19 May 2008
Starting Over
I used to have one of this, back in like, 2005-6 or something.
Can't even remember the log in name let alone password or email! lol
Well. Doubt anyones gonna ever read this but I guess it's nice to have somewhere to write down the events of the day, or quotes of the day, or just write how your feeling.
It's nice to let things out. Makes you feel alot better. I learnt not to bottle things up. I've done that for too many years, cause I never wanted to burden the people I care about with my problems.
Ooh. Just had a little pop up 'Now Blogger saves your drafts automatically!' How dandy!
Thats good. It's so annoying when you loose what you wrote, which actually happens to me alot. My computers a bit of a twat to be honest. I had word up earlier and it just closed. I was screaming at it. Like the computer understands yeh? ha
My mamma did that earlier like. She was on Wii Fit. And she couldn't beat my highscore so she had a go at it. So funny.
Man I rule on Hula-Hoops!
Not the food, obvz. But they're good mind!
So i'll piss off now.
Might end up writing more than one blog a day. I swear, my feelings change so quickly. Sometimes I think I have Bipolar. But I doubt it. My bestie Bri has and i'm a lil different to her.
I love Bri. She's ace. My wife yeh!
Even if she is 23 and i'm 16.
And we're women. Who are straight.
Yeh it works well ^_^
Goodbye! haha
Can't even remember the log in name let alone password or email! lol
Well. Doubt anyones gonna ever read this but I guess it's nice to have somewhere to write down the events of the day, or quotes of the day, or just write how your feeling.
It's nice to let things out. Makes you feel alot better. I learnt not to bottle things up. I've done that for too many years, cause I never wanted to burden the people I care about with my problems.
Ooh. Just had a little pop up 'Now Blogger saves your drafts automatically!' How dandy!
Thats good. It's so annoying when you loose what you wrote, which actually happens to me alot. My computers a bit of a twat to be honest. I had word up earlier and it just closed. I was screaming at it. Like the computer understands yeh? ha
My mamma did that earlier like. She was on Wii Fit. And she couldn't beat my highscore so she had a go at it. So funny.
Man I rule on Hula-Hoops!
Not the food, obvz. But they're good mind!
So i'll piss off now.
Might end up writing more than one blog a day. I swear, my feelings change so quickly. Sometimes I think I have Bipolar. But I doubt it. My bestie Bri has and i'm a lil different to her.
I love Bri. She's ace. My wife yeh!
Even if she is 23 and i'm 16.
And we're women. Who are straight.
Yeh it works well ^_^
Goodbye! haha
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