First real use

Yeh. The first time i've really needed to turn to my blog to get things off my chest.
It doesn't matter what I say here, cause absolutely nobody reads my blogs anyway!
So I can moan and bitch as much as I like without being told to stop being emo and blahblahblah. EVERYONE HAS BAD DAYS. STFU! I knowwww things can be worse blah fucking blah. Who gives a shit what you think!

Anyway.
As I said in my first post, my mood tends to change VERY quickly.
At the minute i'm feeling pretty disappointed and unwanted. Yeh. EVERYONE things the world hates them. Yehhh.

Well. To be honest i'm allowed to think that.
All the girls who whine and bitch about their life, have a mother who is always wanting to know how their life is and how school is going, they have a boyfriend or girlfriend who cares about them, their daddy is rich, they have amazing hair, tons of friends, good grades and are absolutely gorgeous.
Am I being stereotypical or judgemental? Nah.
It's always the typical American scene kids with pink hair and black and blonde stripes dyed through it with hair extentions in, and their nose pierced and three lip piercings. It is. Deal with it.

Now what have I got going for me, truly? Be honest. There's nothing is there?
I'm not being the typical 16 year old girl who is really self concious and hates herself for attention and blahh. I'm truly shite.

I don't have ANY talents. And if I did there is 100000 scene kids out there who can do it better. Like, I used to wanna be a photographer. CHYEAH! Like I can do THAT now. It's like the most popular thing to be these days. And ANYONE who is younger than 20 and wants to be a photographer is automatically a fake who wants to be 'in on the scene'. Same with clothing lines! I used to design my own clothes. CHYEAH! Everyone does that now! Duh. And guess what, mine are shit cause ALL THE SCENE KIDS who use the SAME designs as each other 'oh little bunnies and inanimate objects with smiley faces and rainbows and SCENE KID STUFF' get all the people loving them and anyone else is obviously a fake who wants to get 'in on the sceneee'.
All these kids also have the potential to do well in school. They bitch about homework and getting C's or B's in their tests and exams.
OH NO! Not a C!
Hey kids, try being me. I have shit for brains. I used to think I was good at English. BING! WRONGGG. I'm shit. Especially compared to like, everyone in my school! Everyone I know got an A in the latest English Lit exam. Did I? Nooope. I didn't. And i'm generally gonna fail all my subjects. I'm dumb as shit. I have no potential to do well. Is this me just thinking i'm a bad student when actually I DO have potential? NOPE! I really don't!
Guess what! Some people actually AREN'T going to get anywhere with their life. Some people ARE going to end up working in a factory or some shitty job for the rest of their life and aren't going to achieve their dreams if they work hard!
Why do people do that? Parents and teachers. They tell you 'You'll get far if you try!' So you try and get nowhere. It's like, 'Thanks, make the blow even more difficult by REALLY making me realise i'm stupid'.
All my friends are so clever. They're all talented. I mean, Gemmar could get SO far with her voice, and her acting and charisma, and even if she didn't she is so clever she'd have that to fall back on. Aimee is getting places with her horse care. She got into her horse care course straight away, and won an award at her horse college for student of the year. They're both going places. And the people in my science class like Clare, Jenni, Pip, Harry, Sian, Alex, Tom, they're all SO clever. Then there is me. Heh.


And I feel left out you know.
Even my friends are ditching me.
The only person who talks to me at school is Aimee. She's leaving next month. Two years on my own. I have Gemmar, but shes so popular cause shes so charasmatic and amazing and fun and so genuine. Why would she wanna waste her time with me?
And everyone in our 'group' at school has gone their seperate ways. The 6th formers don't hang out with us anymore. They stay in one group. Then there is all the Year 10s. Most of the Year 11's in my group are friends with the Year 10's and the Year 10's hate me. So where does that leave me? My friends have better friends than me so they don't bother talking to little boring untalented ugly Cheri. Guh.

And when I thought I had found somewhere I belong, it was all taken away from me. You wouldn't understand this at all anyway. So I doubt there is any point in explaining it.
But basically, I felt so happy cause I thought I had found somewhere that I fitted in, where people didn't care what you looked like or how much money you have or how many times you have seen a certain band live or even how long you have liked a certain band. But I was wrong. As usual. I can't figure anything out, and when I do it's always wrong. So why do I bother?


Ohwell.
I guess i'll go back to smiling and pretending i'm ok. Like i've always done.
Always.


Nobody is gonna read this anyway.
So lol.
Goodbye me! 0_o